An Exhaustive Review

MY THOUGHTS and prayers are with [the phony tough guy] as he battles a Chinese virus that’s so deadly you might mistake it for the common cold. We can only appeal to Moloch with tears in our eyes and sacrificial innocents in our hands that the “500 billion for the negro” gasbag is able to weather a deadly plague with a survival rate well over 99%. I seriously considered not even posting today so I could spend my time attempting the propitiation of a desert idol gifted to us by our good friend the merchant, but then a rare phony hate crime update popped up and here I am. As we know, these frequent cynical hoaxes tend to follow a predictable trajectory: massive outrage, stupid old reality or basic critical thinking ruining everything and then the memory hole. You almost never see the end game, where law enforcement presents the total absence of evidence and the “victim” seems oddly at peace with the idea that the “racist” attackers who definitely exist will now go unpunished, so when it does happen I’m all over it like the damp face diaper that will definitely save me from the awful fate awaiting our “…and Israel!” President.

Federal prosecutors said Friday there’s not enough evidence to prove that a young biracial woman was set on fire during a protest in Wisconsin this summer.

When I initially discussed this amazing story I had a few misgivings about the veracity of this wild tale. Incredibly, my lack of faith in the improbable ramblings of a mulatto weirdo seem to have been vindicated. First time for everything, I guess. The important thing is this was real and the notable dearth of even the slightest proof just goes to show you how “racist” the “five oh” actually is.

Althea Bernstein, 18, told police she was attacked by four white men while driving through a protest June 24 in downtown Madison. She said she heard someone yell a racial slur and one of the men sprayed her with lighter fluid through her open window and threw a flaming lighter at her, setting her neck and face on fire.

Well, it certainly seemed plausible. Deep in the Midwest Moscow, where they’re pulling down statues of damn dirty abolitionists, four evil bigots tried to cook the “yella” while it was sitting in the “whip,” always a dangerous activity for monsters of brown. These same vile “White supremacists” have also been disguising themselves as tar monsters and communists to loot and burn. That’s what the talmudvision and our elected criminals said, anyway. If you can’t trust the Jewish pacification device and pedophiles on the end of Semitic wires, who can you trust?

She drove away, put out the flames, and was treated for burns at a hospital, she said.

Looks like I’m on fire. Time to calmly drive away, I’ll put myself out later. All of this is real. Whites are bad and deserve the coming genocide.

A team of federal and state investigators probed the allegations as a possible hate crime. On Friday, the U.S. attorney’s office in Madison issued a statement saying the investigation was closed without charges filed.

Dey leddin dem haff-breed skeezers barn an sheeet. Dawn wit “twalve.”

The statement said investigators conducted “extensive” interviews as well as an exhaustive review of traffic and surveillance cameras and digital and forensic evidence and couldn’t establish that the attack occurred.

You’ll get the bill for this wasteful and insulting snipe hunt. Next time just hire me. For only a few “large” I’ll review the facts of your latest heinous “hate crime” and inform you if it’s real of not (Hint: not).

Madison Acting Police Chief Vic Wahl issued his own statement, saying detectives were unable to “locate evidence consistent with what was reported.”

Wow, that’s really something. I guess the “racists” must have somehow removed every last trace of their sickening attack on an innocent lamb in Bernstein’s clothing. What do you think, Encyclopedia Brown? Please turn to the back of the book for the amazing solution to The Case of the Half-Baked Half-Breed.

Bernstein’s family issued a three-sentence statement through the Madison Police Department saying they appreciate investigators’ work.

Heckuva job, Brownie. It’s a shame the evil colorless fascists got away, but at least the anti-White hay has been made.

The alleged assault came amid a night of violence that included the toppling of two statues outside the Capitol and an attack on a state senator. A group of 200 to 300 people protested the arrest of a Black man after he shouted at restaurant customers through a megaphone while carrying a baseball bat.

Dat seben purr-sant datt gawt vy-lant doe. Be sure to read my thorough coverage of the sodomite senator getting pummeled by communist scumbags. We must defend the sacred right of a dangerous tar monster to scream inanities and threaten Eloi. Hit that confirmed bachelor, tear down the memorial to an immigrant abolitionist who died to help create this profound ugliness.

According to investigative documents, Bernstein told the responding officer she is Hispanic and Black. 

With that last name and her affinity for insane dishonesty I’d bet a shiny penny on more than a little Jew in the mystery meat.

Someone also threw a Molotov cocktail into a government building and attempted to break into the Capitol, only to be repelled by pepper spray from police stationed inside. The violence prompted Gov. Tony Evers to activate the National Guard to protect state properties.

Peaceful protest intensifies. It’s sure a weird coincidence that some of the “protestors” might have suffered minor burns during this nihilistic attack and maybe used those injuries as the jumping off point for an insulting hoax.

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Source: Modern Heretic