David SimsEssays

The Planet Kolob and Theology for Dummies

by David Sims

YOU’D THINK THAT theologians would know better than making pronouncements on the structure of the real universe, by now. The Holy Roman Catholic Church thoroughly embarrassed itself by taking a militant stand in favor of the geocentric universe theory, which was disproved during the 17th century by Galileo and since by thousands of others.

Well, apparently the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) have yet to learn their lesson. They still think that there’s a planet, somewhere in the Milky Way galaxy, named Kolob. During the 19th century, this planet was identified as orbiting Polaris or Sirius.

Polaris was convenient because time-lapse photography (in the Northern Hemisphere of Earth) does show the stars apparently circling Polaris, though this is a consequence of the Earth’s rotation, not the result of any actual orbital motion.

Sirius was convenient because it is the star in Earth’s sky with the highest apparent brightness, though that’s mostly because it is close to Earth. There are intrinsically brighter stars than Sirius.

You can see how the Mormon theologians assign theological importance. They go by whatever they think that the uneducated masses will believe.

When astronomical measurements of stellar proper motions proved that the stars don’t all orbit either Polaris or Sirius, but did orbit the center of the galaxy, the Mormons changed the location of Kolob to the center of the galaxy.

Then modern astronomy discovered that many galaxies, including ours, have at their centers supermassive black holes. The one at the center of the Milky Way galaxy has a mass of four million suns. A black hole doesn’t seem suitable as the Throne of God, however. And so the Mormons are finally out of luck. They must now either begin denying reality — pretty much forever — or they must admit that their whole narrative about Kolob has been a big fat lie from the very beginning.

The Catholic Church did, at least, have the grace to apologize posthumously to Galileo four hundred years after its persecution of him. I remember reading about it in a newspaper some decades ago.

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HarveyWalt HamptonNewCastleBolokiancc Recent comment authors
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Arvin N. Prebost
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Arvin N. Prebost

I am still waiting for all the achaeological artifacts from these lost Israeli tribes to be discovered here in America.

It is the same as the story of the Exodus—-no archaeological confirmation at all.

The Book of Mormon talks about these huge battles, with metal weapons an chariots, in the state of New York; surely there would have been something found by now.

cc
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cc

I read in a book at the University of Texas that Mormons of Utah told the Indians if they are good Christians, they will eventually turn White. Christianity is a desperate religion.

Bolokian
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Bolokian

I myself am from the planet Bolok. Bolok, for the uninitiated, exists in the multiverse, so you suckers will never find out exactly where. Now prove it doesn’t exist!

Walt Hampton
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Walt Hampton

Kim Basinger in a movie line once said she was
from the Planet Bantor. I don’t remember the
particular flick, but not bad for a girl from Athens,
Georgia.

NewCastle
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NewCastle

“So My Stepmother Is an Alien.”

Walt Hampton
Guest
Walt Hampton

That must be where the planet Bantor is.

Harvey
Guest
Harvey

There are a number of things intrinsically wrong about Mormonism. This one is a good example of straight up dullardry.

In a two part podcast discussion on the Mob and the CIA in American History over at ‘Myth of the 20th Century’ it is explained that the Mormons play major roles as preferred agents for these two institutions.

Also, Mormons have the spiritually disgusting gravedigger trait of stealing the names of the dead from traditional white faiths through documents and records, and ‘adopting’ them as personal identities, to serve in their unusual sex planet fantasy rituals.

Walt Hampton
Guest
Walt Hampton

An “unusual sex planet fantasy?” Feel compelled to
find the nearest entrance to the next outgoing spaceship.
But then, who was it that said, “Be careful what you wish
for?”