Classic EssaysRevilo P. Oliver

The Progress of Higher Learning

by Revilo P. Oliver

The Los Angeles Times, 30 January 1989, carried the news that the Washington State University has attained a new pinnacle of academic distinction: it has created the first Distinguished Professorship of Fast-Food Service to crown its curriculum in the Science of running restaurants. The eminent scholar who will hold the professorship will doubtless supervise laboratory research in washing dishes (preferably without breaking them) and putting chemically-flavored meat scraps into steamed buns. Such studies, it is hoped, will not be beyond the intellectual capacities of promising young savants, many of whom, no doubt, who will be graduated, summa cum laude, from the northwest Temple of the Muses as Philosophiae Doctores, and will then proudly tack up their imitation parchment diplomas in the greasy kitchens of wayside joints. Some genius among them may even invent a brilliant new technique of merchandising: Free bicarbonate of soda with every three hamburgers.

The news should excite no astonishment. It was in the late 1940s, if I remember correctly, that the shyster who was then President of the University of Texas proudly announced, “We will teach anything for which there is a demand.” That was his pedantic way of saying, “Our professionals will do anything for a buck in this academic whore-house.” I am quite sure that the old buncombe-artist on another occasion, when he was wheedling appropriations from a legislature or addressing the massed parents of the young persons who were being graduated from his swindle-shop (some of whom, to be sure, could have obtained the rudiments of an education, if they insisted on it), descanted on the glories of “a liberal education.” He could be confident that the few who would think about what they heard would not remember that a liberal education is liberal precisely because it has nothing to do with earning a living or getting the current substitute for money. It is liberal because it is intended to develop the intellectual, moral, and aesthetic capacities of individuals who are truly liberi, i.e., free from economic or social servitude.

Such individuals must not be allowed in a Communist state, where Equality is the rule, with, of course, the proviso that Jews and their accomplices are infinitely more equal than their subjects. Although the meaning of ‘liberal’ has now been generally forgotten, I still insist on spelling the word with a capital letter and placing it within quotation marks when it refers to the fledgling Bolsheviks who call themselves “Liberal intellectuals”: the first of the two words is as much of a misnomer as the second.

Meanwhile, one may expect American universities to go on to greater and higher achievements. Thus far the labor unions have prevented them from offering the degree of Philosophiae doctor in plumbing or carpentry or truck-driving, but that need not stop them as they work to increase the body count and thus the loot taken from stupid tax-payers. For example, they might institute an “innovative” curriculum in number science, as distinct from old-fashioned mathematics: in the progressive new curriculum advanced degrees could be given niggers who learn to count up to twenty without removing their shoes. If some Neo-Nazis dare to protest and it is not convenient to have them beaten up by the police, the Prexy of the progressive university could point out that such degrees are only just compensation for the horrible injustice committed when the niggers’ ancestors were sold to White or Jewish slave-traders instead of being made the pièce de résistance at a tribal barbecue or steak-fry. (1)

This example may seem to you satirical, just as the notion of a college degree in “fast-food service” would have seemed too far-fetched to be even funny three decades ago, but don’t be too sure of that, and, above all, remember never to put anything beyond the reach of a modern “educator’s” greed.

(1. Do not laugh. As I write, the press reports that a biped insect in the government of Massachusetts has proposed an enormous bond issue to compensate the niggers in the state for the failure of Massachusetts to suppress the slave-trade two centuries ago, when the colony was inhabited by sane men and women.)

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Source: Liberty Bell magazine, June 1989

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