Smirkin’ Dr. Smirkin

by Arch Stanton

IT’S TIME once again for Arch Stanton’s – Theater – of – the – Absurd!

Today’s episode — Dr. Smirkin.

You just closed that billion-dollar deal, and boy are you feeling superior. But when you go to gloat, all you can manage is a sickly smile. You tried working on it in the mirror, but it’s always the same, just a wan, washed-out smile that says, “gee, I’m sorry you got hurt in the deal.” Pa-THET-ic!

What you need, my friend, is a smirk. You need the best smirk there is, the best smirk money can buy — you need a Jewish smirk. Whether you just shaved the goy herds for another cool billion or raped their daughters on your private island, you need that smirk that says — “and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”

Well now you can have it! You can have the smirk of your dreams, that Jewish smirk that marks the psychopath of distinction. For only $29.95 thousand dollars, Dr. Smirkin will use his magic surgical technique to paint that smirk of a lifetime on your face. After Dr. Smirkin puts a smirk on your face, everyone down at the club will be asking “I wonder what that cat just swallowed?”

Today only, Dr. Smirkin is reducing the price of his world famous Epstein Smirk to only $19.95 thousand dollars. That’s right, now you can smirk like Jeffrey Epstein for only $19.95 thousand dollars!

Just listen to the results:

Bill Clinton: “When I got into politics, all I could manage was a backwoods, ‘aw shucks’ kind of grin, but Dr. Smirkin’s famous cocaine smirk fixed that and now I smirk with the best of ’em.”

And ladies, you too can look smirkin’ hot!

Hillary Clinton: “After I ordered — I mean, after we ordered the attack on Libya, I was afraid I might appear weak, you know, timid, during the victory interview. So I went for Dr. Smirkin’s full, crazed, psycho makeover. I told Dr. Smirkin, ‘I want to look crazed, insane, I want people to cower in fear, shake with terror in my presence.’ And look at the results, now people are afraid to be alone in the room with me. Wow! All I can do is smirk!”

And for that deal-of-a-lifetime look, don’t forget to ask about Dr. Smirkin’s Nathan Rothschild, Battle of Waterloo, merde-eatin’ grin option. The grin that says, “It vass the bezt biznuss I effer did!”

You know you’ve been thinking about it; you know you want it. You want that smirk that says, “I’m a Jew too!” So why wait? Don’t delay, your smirk is just a text message away.

Dr. Smirkin is a board certified member of the Association of Smirking Surgeons.

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