Choosing One’s Spouse
A view from National Socialist Germany
THE DEMOCRATIC state saw marriage as a completely private matter that did not concern the Volk or the state. Whether the marriages were happy, or engendered no or few children, the leaders did not care. And the result was reaped thereafter.
We look at marriage in a completely different way. The family are the stem cells of the Volk’s race; if they are not good, then the Volk and the race will not be good either, and must go downward with the next generation.
A proverb says: “Oneself, no one can choose. But one can choose one’s wife, and choose her so that one thereby improves oneself through one’s children.”
Choosing the right spouse for a happy marriage is the most crucial step in an individual’s life — and it is the most crucial for a Volk’s future. Especially in a time like this which places such great demands for strength, health, and quality. If we want to live as an individual, continue the family, and survive as a Volk, then we must know how to make the right choice.
Not least because there is a sharp increase in the reproductive drive during war and natural disasters — encroachments on Nature or higher powers — to replace everything that is lost. This has been established as a fact, among others by the well-known Swedish doctor and author Axel Munthe.
People of Nordic background have more difficulty choosing, and develop later than others. And superior people have a harder time choosing than the masses who find a suitable mate without difficulty. A man of Nordic descent is physically fit for marriage at the age of 18-19, and the girl at 16-17 years old, but a spiritual maturation comes only later. In general, Nordic people are first mentally mature at the age of 23 to 26 years, women a little earlier. One thing that still speaks for an earlier marriage, though, is that a birth is easier then, and that there usually will be more children in an early marriage.
What is discouraging is that the best people, those who have the best genetic material to carry on, have a hard time finding a mate and thereby bringing children into this world — with the consequence that the masses, the weak and incompetent, increase to a frightening degree at the expense of the better. This is bad for people of the higher strata. Proletarianization, and the strong growth of cities, have greatly encouraged this trend.
Getting married late is not good. Old bachelors and old maidens become accustomed to their own habits, becoming hermits who cannot stand having others close to them. But very young people find it easy to choose an older spouse; the boy seeks the idealized mother and the girl the idealized father. But usually the age difference should not be too great if one seeks the best prospect of a happy marriage. The woman should not be older than her husband, and usually not much more than ten years younger.
As an example, we set up a table of what the age difference should preferably be, but hasten to add that there can be many exceptions that can be happy.
But age is a personal thing, it does not come as early to everyone. One can be old at the age of 50, while another at sixty has not yet begun old age at all.
Sometimes very young boys marry women who are old enough to be their mothers. That is an abnormal tendency due to an excessive maternal complex that is transmitted to the mate. The fact that these boys marry older women prevents these abnormal feelings from being inherited, because such marriages are usually childless.
Getting married beyond one’s stratum and level, either up or down, often leads to difficulties — because the stratum to which one belongs denotes not only a certain economic level, but as a rule it also denotes heredity and ability. One can choose a mate from a lower stratum if the spouse’s genetic inheritance and balance are good enough to withstand coming up to a higher stratum.
Having a sense for choosing correctly is a good quality, a proof that instinct, like a sixth sense or third eye, is working side by side with one’s reason.
There can be many things that come into play and cannot be determined on any form, including whether the two are “set” to the same “wavelength” or “frequency.” It is something completely new to talk about wavelengths in connection with humans, but science is working on such measurements. It has been established, among other things, that an expectant mother loses her own wavelength [bodily rhythms] and takes over the fetus’s during pregnancy, and that this is the reason why she has a different temperament than usual.
If the choice is correct, one should be able to discern a person’s characteristics by seeing whom they have chosen. It is the same thing that is said in the proverb, “Tell me who you are with, and I will tell you who you are.”
Lasting prosperity in a family usually gives an indication that there is a good genetic inheritance present. It can probably go a bit in waves, but mostly the same family lines will go high up again, unless degeneration erases the line or a branch of it. But in recent times, with “money thinking,” prosperity is not always proof of good qualities — on the contrary. It can testify to greed and cynicism and a total lack of understanding of society’s organic whole.
Choice of profession gives one a clue about a spouse’s makeup, but one should beware of those who chase after money. And also those who call themselves socialists or communists are often nothing more than people who have had bad luck as capitalists.
One who has reached a higher level than his family’s, and has a good genetic inheritance behind him, should marry upwards. One should only marry downward in strata when the proposed spouse’s family lays above the stratum’s average.
The men of the nobility often married downwards. Women aristocrats, on the other hand, were often too proud for that, and preferred remaining unmarried over a descent in status. And a woman who marries downwards rarely becomes happy. When choosing a spouse, one must keep in mind that there are not just two individuals who are brought together, but two families, and that difficulties therefore arise if these come from different classes and environments.
A factory waitress, office lady, or shop assistant is often proletarian and has lost the ability to become a good housewife. A maid has in her choice of profession shown her female instinct and aptitude for domestic chores, and one can assume that she can become a good housewife.
Great men are often poorly married, something which proves that they have developed especially in a certain direction at the expense of sound judgment. Nietzsche says of these: “This man seemed to me worthy, but when I saw his wife the Earth seemed to me to be a madhouse.”
The good housewife who can lead a house, create an harmonious home, and raise the children to a meaningful life must be our ideal. It is good advice to see the spouse’s mother before choosing; as a wife she will in her older years look more like her mother than she will her father.
From the East, in Christianity, we have gotten the idea of a split between body and soul. This idea is not good for us: the body as something laden and ugly, the soul as something nice and exalted. If one’s face, eyes, and body are beautiful, healthy, and strong without artificial help, then so is the soul if the person is of a uniform race.
What we see as the ideal of beauty was originally the way the leading stratum looked; and the difference between inner and outer beauty we see now is a consequence of racial crossing. There one’s instinct must say no; sure and confident instincts are proof that the person is of pure race and that soul and body are an harmonious whole.
The senses of beauty and health are awakened through properly designed sports, where everyone participates. The fact that a few participate and tens of thousands sit and look on and scream — that does not lead to the health of a Volk.
Beauty is an expression of health and harmony, and only in movement do you really become aware of the inner man. The way one walks, runs, and works is something completely personal, which, for the one who has the ability to judge, reveals the real person.
Young people must be taught to judge the way of walking, hip movements, shoulders, hand, neck, and head movements as mental reflexes. When a person sleeps or is tired, or gets in a festive mood, he also shows his true self. It is confirmed by the old saying that, “From drunks and children one hears the truth.”
Urban people and intellectuals have an easy time ignoring the voice of instinct, or they completely lack proper instincts. But one should take notice of traits that repel you, because our instincts often comprehend the ideal of beauty in a more sensible way than our reason does.
If infatuation was love, and something that led to a right choice, then we would have a lot of happy marriages. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Falling in love is something that comes when one’s inner self is full of restlessness, sexual desire, and a feeling of loneliness. During such periods, infatuation suddenly appears and tricks one into believing that it is love.
An attentive judge of character knows when another can fall in love and that the event of falling in love is more or less arbitrary. If love is there and it is mutual, then there will be engagement. In that time you get to know each other better, but infatuation is blind love, and you push all warnings aside and spasmodically hold on to the other as the great ideal.
After the wedding one’s eyes open; one comes to one’s senses. One learns to look at the other with a critical eye. Then the conflict begins, divorce comes up. There is talk of a marital crisis throughout the civilized world. And we search with light and lantern for cures.
Peter Altenberg says: “There is no crisis in marriage. It has only arisen because idiots of both sexes give in to the sexual demands of the moment, or for financial reasons try to persuade each other to believe that they are destined for each other.”
Infatuation results in more failed marriages than rational marriages, because the latter have not dreamt themselves up into the clouds.
“Falling in love” is blind love, and love alone is too little for a lasting marriage. Health and fitness also are necessary. And love should be the result of a permeated feeling, and sense, as well as the desire for a healthy and beautiful spouse and children.
Bernard Shaw says about marriage: “Marriages are like Freemasonry. Those who are outside them know nothing, and those who are inside them dare not say anything.” For two who belong together, there are no hours of spiritual emptiness, because they complement each other — even when there is silence. They create their own atmosphere in their home.
Marriage is a responsibility that one assumes towards life, family and society. And the responsibility for unhappy marriages is largely that of the democratic state and schools. Primary school feminizes the boys, and the schools did not teach anything about the different characteristics of men and women. The ideal was a youth who read out loud and neglected his body, and no one learned anything about hereditary traits or got any ideal image of spouse and home.
Individuals have their bright moments and their weak moments. Everything goes in waves in this life, a rhythm with natural periods. First it is the day with its rhythm of morning, noon, evening, and night. In addition, there are “mood periods” for men of 23 days and for women 28. We are affected by rays from the sun, moon and cosmos. There are also periods of greater lengths (wavelengths) that run over several years. If, for example, we take seven years, we have school maturation at the beginning of the second period, sexual maturation begins at the third, and the boy becomes a man and a soldier at the fourth period.
Divorce is rare in the countryside. The peasant population adheres to what can be controlled, follows the rhythms of Nature’s laws, and also chooses a spouse with greater certainty. City people, on the other hand, have had their instincts confused. It is probably the case that the cities have a higher level of intelligence, but it is because the best go from the village to the city. But the city is an artificial world with machines and schemes totally alien to the natural life. Urban people think about and discuss artificial things that they cannot control with other people who have also lost their contact with Nature, and the consequence is that they are subject to influence and mass suggestion.
The urban youth use arts and tricks; they stagger up in silk and leather, and add an acre to their growth with high heels and stuffed shoulders. They paint their faces and pretend to be more than they are. They take on a look as if they possessed both wealth and abilities and deceive each other mutually, finally into quarrels. They do not see each other in everyday toil like the people of the country, and marriage becomes more of a lottery. The big prizes fall to just a few; most feel deceived and throw themselves into the metropolitan jungle’s diversity of extravagances as a replacement for their lost happiness.
In an unhappy marriage, the children often have damaged souls, and for that reason the girls in particular become afraid to get married. There can be a split in such a girl’s love life, so that she loves loud with the soul and romance, and falls down on the bodily side. If there is a sexual connection with one of the poorer types, they regret this and give up marriage — and are lost for life and family.
No man has 100% male characteristics and no woman 100% female. Men who have little of the feminine in them misunderstand woman and choose stupidly. Manly women, those with strong masculine characteristics, often sacrifice themselves for weak men and for that reason have weaker children than their characteristics suggest.
Seductive and false ideals from movies, magazines, and newspapers make us admire one, love another, flirt with a third and a fourth, while we have not thought at all about what really suits us. We must have other ideals than those with which film and literature have hitherto fooled us — and thereby made so many people’s lives into accidents. ‘Jåle portraits’ are not something of lasting value; we must find a spouse who provides clarity in everyday life’s demands, is a heartfelt participant in our sorrows, and provides relief in illness. A good wife makes her mark on everything and everyone in the home, and alleviates the loneliness everyone has and which cannot be cleared away even with the finest love.
We should seek in our spouse the complement of our own being. One should find in him or her what one does not have oneself. Many good marriages end due to conscious or unconscious demands that can’t be fulfilled. Two do not have to have common interests: The similarity lies in the soul. And that is why a husband and wife in a good marriage often resemble each other.
Being left-handed is not considered a good sign, but there are many great men and personalities who have been left-handed. Examples include Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci. A left-handed man has more feminine qualities in him, and is thus more of a whole human being. Napoleon was thus not very manly in his physique.
With different religions, difficulties often arise and different races are even worse. One should also preferably know the spouse’s family and relatives in order to know the nature of traits and possible hereditary diseases.
If the man has 80% masculine and the woman 20% masculine qualities and vice versa, then there should be a prospect of lasting happiness when they also otherwise complement each other.
Opposite temperaments complement each other and create a richer unity with the right choice of spouse, in addition to the children having greater opportunities to go farther. No one can marry and choose according to a schedule, but it is still good to have some rules to adhere to, because it means so very much. — Kiferhof
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Source: SS-Heftet, nr. 2, 1944 p. 13-19; translated by Karl Jægerlund and edited by Chris Rossetti; via volkish.org