My proposal for the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize

FOR MANY YEARS I’ve been troubled by the recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize. It seems to me that you had a head start by having the blood of thousands on your hands. Think Kissinger, Begin, Arafat . . . and not forgetting President Obomber herself  himself. Following a period of profound reflection, I believe I now have identified an ideal nominee for this year’s prize. Ladies and gentlemen — I give you John McCain’s Tumour. This nominee struck a mighty blow for peace by taking down one of the most malevolent and industrious war-mongers of the last thirty years, ensuring that his stinking rotting carcass now lies powerless as his soul gets reacquainted with Beelzebub, his Lord And Master.

Now I didn’t make this decision lightly. I first consulted a number of interested parties. First was Colonel Robin Banks, General Secretary of the American Veterans of Foreign Wars. “The vets hold the tumour in great esteem,” he assured me. “Tens of thousands of my comrades were killed or mutilated due to that traitorous bastard having us fight wars for Israel.”

On the other hand, Schlomo Shekelstein, spokesman for the Greater Israel Project, was outraged. “This tumour is anti-Semitic!” he shouted, gesticulating wildly. “Senator McCain loyally served our interests throughout his career. We will now instruct — I mean request — President Trump to implement draconian sanctions on Norway should the tumour win the award.”

Finally I spoke to Ivan Astikoff of the Russian Foreign Ministry. “We’re somewhat conflicted about this,” he mused. “On the one hand we must recognise the tumour’s central role in ridding the world of this corrupt war-mongering hypocrite. On the other hand he was, unwittingly, good for Russia!”

“What?” I stammered.

“Yes, you see the military conflicts he fomented with us resulted in — what you say it in the West? — blowback. They inadvertently resulted in Russia recovering Crimea, cementing our position in the Middle East, and inducing us to become more independent in agriculture. But on balance Russia supports the tumour winning the Prize.”

So there you have it. And here’s another thing. If this proposal works out I may well issue my own annual Peace Award: The McCain Tumour Prize. What do you think?

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Source: Irish Savant