Classic EssaysRevilo P. Oliver

Teaching Them to Kick Us Harder


by Revilo P. Oliver

IT IS well known that certain species valued for their pelts, such as muskrats, raccoons, beaver and Americans, are skinned because they respond to the delicious aroma of bait set out for them and do not have enough intelligence to perceive they are walking into a trap. In favor of the first three species, it may be said they repent of their folly when they find themselves in a trap from which it is physically impossible to escape. For Americans, however, a financial trap suffices; instead of trying to escape, as they readily could, they crawl after the next gob of bait so they can be skinned in easy stages. I offer an example from my own community. A few years ago, when the “educational” gangsters were whooping it up for “colleges” at every crossroads for the sake of the mentally underprivileged (and for the undisclosed purpose of corrupting what was left of an academic tradition by using the “boom-and-bust” technique), the stupid taxpayers here, soused on humanitarian hootch, voted themselves a brand new college and then bond issue after bond issue to build a campus that is a noteworthy eyesore.

Now, as anyone could have foreseen, this bloated academic fungus is short of meeting its budget for next year by $600,000, partly because the number of youngsters seeking a refuge from work has declined, and partly because the amount of land that can be exploited by taxation has contracted.

The solution? Go international and import lots of Chinese because there is an apparently unlimited supply of young Chinese whom Peking and “our” State Department are eager to subsidize so that they can learn and appropriate all the techniques of the hated foreign devils. In a town less than a hundred miles away this happy solution was tried last year, and quantities of a slightly different brand of Oriental were imported to balance the budget. The studious Orientals are now pushing around the White boobs, and the local police department is at its wit’s end, trying to control the internationally privileged invasion. Everyone here well knows what is happening in the afflicted town, but isn’t the United States the land of opportunity for all its implacable enemies? And how else can we get $600,000? So please come, dear little Chinese, and kick us around while we love you.

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Source: Instauration magazine, March 1979

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