Congoids and Spaceflight

“Congoids and spaceflight” — a combination not too dissimilar from “elephants and ballet.”

by David Sims

THE QUESTION was asked: “In the near future could most countries get space technology — just like most countries now have aircraft technology?”

I hope not; what a waste that would be. Every time an African country becomes involved with spaceflight ventures on its own soil, it turns out, upon closer examination, that one of the three following conditions is true:

1. It’s a modified voodoo ritual in which a number of African “astronauts” are burned alive, and, once they are dead, the presiding shaman declares that their souls have ascended into the skies. Yes, they are just zipping around the universe, looking at all the planets. They’re even communicating with him about what they are seeing!

2. The story turns out to be a hoax. Someone like Uganda’s Chris Nsamba builds a wooden model of a glider in his mother’s back yard with the thumb-fingered assistance of some of his neighbors, paints it pretty colors, and then tells the international press that he’s going to hop into the cockpit and fly the thing into the outer space — just as soon as he installs the jet engines that he has ordered from Amazon, of course.

3. The Nigerians, say, actually do build a rocket, or something that looks like one, but it either sits on the pad and burns up, or it falls over and goes tumbling and skipping along the ground.

Now, let it be known that Nigeria does have several satellites in space. That is, the government of that country owns them. Nigeria did not, however, build them. They were made in Britain, Russia, or China. Neither did Nigeria launch them. They were launched in one of those same three aforementioned countries.

With regard to item number two above, I should mention that many Africans regard anything higher than 100 meters as being in outer space. In the West, we place the boundary at the somewhat higher altitude of 100 kilometers. Whereas White people insist that, in order to be in outer space, an object must be above the atmosphere, to these Black Africans it only has to be above the trees.

This is the extent of African “space technology.” Never let a Black convince you otherwise. He’ll be lying. Of course.

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